Pop Culture

Next on Netflix

I’m a pretty big fan of the documentary section of Netflix, and it’s simply because I like learning new things. Call me crazy. It’s not that I haven’t tried before to get myself into a shameless TV series binge on sick days or long weekends, but when I finish a series, I just don’t get that same feeling of accomplishment.

So here’s what’s next on my list of docs to watch. Feel free to comment if you’ve seen any, or if you simply want to bond over mutual geekery.

SOMM

To be fair, I’ve seen this one, but it’s one I could watch over and over again, and if you’re a wine-o like me, you’re going to love it. Somm is a documentary follows four men looking to pass one of the most impossible exams in the world: The Master Sommelier exam. Only 220 people in the entire world possess the title that makes them masters of wine, able to sip just a bit of the stuff and tell you exactly where in the world it’s from, amongst other really impressive facts. Be prepared to unintentionally burst out cheering for your favorite candidate. I might’ve.

519Q9TknGNL._SX940_Since giving up added sugars, I’ve noticed a few positive changes happening in my body, and it’s something I want to see continue. While I don’t think I could ever go completely vegan, I’m definitely inspired to incorporate more plants into my diet. Nothing wrong with a little healthy inspiration, amiright?

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It’s no surprise that print media has gone through serious some changes since the internet’s become a thing, and this documentary highlights how a publication like the New York Times manages to maintain the ways of traditional journalism despite that. One of the journalists in the film is David Carr, who’s recently passed away. I remember catching clips of this documentary in a class lecture in college, and actually ended up buying Carr’s book The Night of the Gun after hearing him speak for maybe 20 seconds. Great and immensely powerful read if you’re looking for a reason to go to the bookstore.

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Pop Culture

Unofficial Rules and Trends of The Bachelor

1. Start off with tragedy, right off the bat. “My name is Marissa. Someone I know died about a decade ago and I’m still recovering.”

2. When it comes to the first impression, a simple “hello” just won’t do. Make sure to first Google “how best to appear sexually frustrated” and tear up a little. If you can do a back flip, then by all means do so while crying.

3. Make sure to establish the fact that you aren’t here to make friends.

4. If you don’t want to be sent home the first night — make sure you aren’t a ginger.

5. Single parent just trying to make ends meet? No problem. You’ve already won the heart of America.  This also applies to small blondes with legal careers.

6. If you are clinically unstable, prepare to stick around for at least five episodes. That’s five ball gowns, five bikinis, and less than half your anti-anxiety prescription.

7. You have a one and three chance of making it to the end after your sexual escapade in the hotel suite. Should you choose to forgo the suite and enter your individual room, you have a 100% chance of a dramatic exit from the show.

8. You won’t be remembered unless you have an uncontrollable eyebrow, dream in cartoons, or swear a lot in the limo.

9.  You will foresee a future with The Bachelor by episode 2, and you’ll want the world to know.

10.  If you aren’t really into the guy, at least stick it out to the last episode. You’ll most likely just wind up as the next Bachelorette, expected to meet and date twenty five fine ass men.

11. The group date means he’s not into you. Continuous group dates are proof.

12. If you aren’t the outdoorsy type, you will get the one-on-one date to Siberia.

13. If you are afraid of heights, prepare to bungee jump.

14. If you are the worst case scenario for said Bachelor, prepare to win. Unless you are Catherine Giudici. Because homegirl is perfect.

15. If you win the Bachelor, prepare for divorce. Unless you are Sean and Catherine. We love you, Sean and Catherine.

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Pop Culture

Miley, Explained.

miley-cyrus-we-cant-stop-1-650-430It’s unfortunate enough to have to hear about Miley Cyrus all the time, but even worse when she’s praised for female empowerment. Female empowerment!? Because twerking in the crotch of a male artist singing about raping us does us a huge favor, right?

Ladies, what is the first thing you do after a cold break up, let alone an engagement to someone as beautiful as Liam Hemsworth? Change your hair? Thought so.

Suicide blonde,” I believe the term is. And every girl from Marilyn Monroe to Miley Cyrus has done it. It’s that fresh start – that new look that says, “see me, now?” And with that sense of newness comes trying to find a new public persona, a way to tell your peers that you’re not the boring girl you once were all cooped up in that long-term relationship. You’re ready to party! You can’t stop, and you won’t stop. Now cue taking to social media with posts about how you “don’t need no man,” and you’re just “better off single #lovingit”

Are we seeing any similarities yet?

Then there is the “slutty phase” after a break-up. Yes, we’re allowed as human beings to do this. Testing the waters and exploring sexuality is A-Okay for everyone. In fact, I encourage it! (Be protected) What’s not okay, is doing it out of an insecurity. Again, the restraints of the relationship you don’t so much mind, as you do miss — but when it’s over, you convince yourself that traffic control signals between your legs will satisfy you. And it only gets worse when you see photos of your ex slapped across Facebook with his latest and greatest brunette. So what do you do? You enjoy the attention you’re getting. Everyone loves the “new you,” and the feedback, whether positive or negative, perpetuates your little act. This is why people get labeled as ruined, or jaded.

At the end of the day though, you’re just as sad as you pretend not to be. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Miley Cyrus.

“I have so many f—— issues. I am so f—– up.”

If you’re going to embody female empowerment after a breakup, before letting your freak flag fly with every man on campus — all you have to be is confident in yourself and in your actions. Don’t send that text message, and don’t give in because you have no one else to come home to at night.

And much love to my girl Katy Perry, but why does it always have to be “hear me roar?” Can’t we just keep going without trying to prove how much better off we are without the other person? It shouldn’t have to be about who gets the last laugh. I really hate the expression, but: DO YOU. If you spend your time thinking “Oh he’ll be real pissed when he sees this,” you are both NOT over it, and playing games. A.K.A., spending more time thinking about him than he is about you. Heal yourself before acting out on rash decisions. There is nothing sexier in this world than a woman who is independent enough to love herself and better herself, but also one that leaves a little room for a next love.

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Movies, Pop Culture

I Hate Grease

greaseThere, I said it. When I first watched it as a kid, I remember telling my dad that the ending really bothered me. At ten years old, I didn’t understand the personality change Sandy had to make in order to make a guy re-fall in love with her, for reasons completely different than the first time. So their personas didn’t necessarily match in a real-life setting, where he was a Class A Douche Knuckle – why did she have to be the one to go from wide eyed doe to chain smoking hoe? I’m serious guys, this really bugged me! But as frustrating as this movie is for me, I have to give credit where credit is due: that little personality makeover is sort of accurate.

Had Facebook existed in this movie, Sandy probably would have just typed up a quick, “Found myself today in a Harley Store. #badgirlprobz” to really show people how committed she was to her new persona. But being that internet wasn’t around in her day, she did what the rest of us do even with Facebook – resort to sex appeal. Like, shut up, Sandy. You cough when you smoke! Meanwhile, Danny’s eating it all up because well, have you SEEN Olivia Newton John in leather pants?

We could be totally hot and sexual from the get-go. But for some people, getting that little ounce of approval becomes a green light to become a secondary embodiment of who fell for us in the first place. You don’t have to suddenly like everything he/she likes, or even do everything he/she likes. That couldn’t be more boring. YOU’RE BORING. THIS IS WHY you only get two dates and a rendezvous.

Now, we didn’t get to see what happened with Danny and Sandy after they fled the school carnival via cloudcar — so with what we have seen, the movie serves as an accurate portrayal of stupid teenage love.

To keep accuracy flowing after the movie, Danny would most likely become bored with Sandy and either cheat on her because she’s too clingy and won’t let go, or he’d just go back to that beach to find some other angelic being and fool around u-under the dock.

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Pop Culture

MTV Makes ‘Responsible’ Decision

I can’t even count the number of people I’ve heard say something like “16 and Pregnant makes everyone think it’s okay to get pregnant because MTV will make them famous.” Yes, I’ll agree with that. Why? Because the show carried on past the first season, not because it existed in the first place. I think that if MTV wanted to broadcast a show that followed the lives of knocked up teenagers, it should have been a one-time deal to show what life is really like once a baby is involved, and how hard it is to properly raise a child when the mother is still a child herself.

Before I get slammed in the comments, I believe it is possible for SOME teen parents to properly raise a child, but it is not possible for the majority of teen parents. If you’re that exception, kudos. But realistically, I’m not about to sit here and tell people that because you are such a fantastic exception, they should get knocked up and experiment for themselves to find out if they too can raise a kid of the same caliber.

I think that having a second and third season of this show is what would really plant the idea into people’s heads that applying to be on the show is just another option they could have once becoming pregnant. So for that, I’d say MTV is irresponsible. That’s when you know it’s about making money, and using teenaged Fertile Mertiles for their own selfish gain.

However, a few nights ago I tuned into MTV to watch the latest “Teen Mom” episode. “Teen Mom” is a spin-off of the first season of “16 and Pregnant” that follows moms from SAP into their new lives, as, you guessed it: teen moms. Amber Portwood is one of the four moms on the show who has been all over the tabloids with stories highlighting domestic violence as well as her mental health struggles. MTV obviously captured these moments on video, and Amber has since been harassed by anyone who has seen the show and thinks she is a crappy mom.

This was the first time I’ve ever seen someone talk honestly about the negative consequences of being on a reality show, DURING the actual show. I am a huge reality television junkie; I know my reality TV. When it comes to shows like these, speaking about the cameras and the effects of the show on their everyday lives is completely taboo.

But, MTV allowed Amber’s comments to be aired on television, which I was really happy to see. She talked about how she’s been getting such bad press and how she can’t even step out of her house without someone yelling at her or throwing something at her for being a bad mom. I won’t give MTV my full support, because I still disagree with their decision to continue both series, but I will give them a high five for being responsible enough to air Amber’s segment.


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Pop Culture

The Situation Not Allowed to Wear Abercrombie and Fitch

So apparently Mike “The Situation” is being offered a substantial amount of cash to stop wearing Abercrombie and Fitch. Totally serious…

The brand is quote, “deeply concerned” that by wearing their clothes on “Jersey Shore”, Mike Sorrentino is representing them poorly, and making an unnecessary and irrelevant name for the brand, aside from the already hypersexual and immoral one they currently have. Good one Abercrombie…

If you ask me, The Situation absolutely fits the Abercrombie bill. He’s cocky, white, and has a six pack. The only part that doesn’t work is that the Situation doesn’t have the face to match the hot bod. Abercrombie models are all molded by the greek gods somewhere in a secret sex island that us mere mortals know not of.

Anyway, normally companies will pay celebrities to wear their clothing, but that wasn’t the case for the Situation, or any of the other Jersey Shore cast members, as they and MTV producers were also offered similar amounts of cash to nix the A&F brand wearing.

Personally, I can’t support Abercrombie and Fitch, not just from a moral standpoint, but their clothes are of a shit quality. I bought a zip up from them once, put it through the wash, and it became a zip up without a zipper, aka: useless. Not to mention they are seriously overpriced. Why? Because of all those kids in high school that want to appear richer than their peers. When I see someone wearing Abercrombie, I don’t think “Wow, they must have money.” I think “Sure, they might have money, but what they don’t have, is any idea how to dress themselves. They lack the creativity needed to walk into a store and put different pieces together to make an outfit. Rather, they take the easy way out and sport a giant moose on their left tit.” Abercrombie clothing to me is tired, boring, and unoriginal.

Here’s to not getting clothing ideas from models who don’t wear clothes.

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