Coffee, Rant

10 Things Starbucks Addicts Can Relate To

Really, how sick of my coffee posts are you? I get it. Most of what I post in Jules and Java is like, dreadfully basic. But that’s kind of what you signed up for when you clicked on a blog with subject heads that read “Sex, Relationships, and Coffee.” Why I didn’t just name this thing “Sex and Coffee” is beyond me, but “Jules and Java” has more of that flow avid bloggers tell you to create. At least, I think it does.

Anyway, if you’re anything like me, and can’t go a day or two without your green straw fix, this post is for you.

1. Manicure, pedicure, glass of wine, sex, Starbucks coffee. It’s all relative. Having a bad day? Pick up a cold one.

2. At some point, you’ve wondered whether or not there is there an award of some sort, or at least a bullet point you can add to your resume for how quickly it is you can down a Venti iced drink. Because that s— is impressive.

3. Long lines never intimidate you too terribly. You’ve grown confident in your barista’s ability to get you where you need to be on time, with the right drink.

4. You have a hard time committing to most things that aren’t caffeinated and lack essential nourishment, and your Starbucks Gold Card is there to constantly remind you of that. “Congratulations, you’ve been a member for two years. That’s longer than any relationship you’ve had with a human!”

5. You’re more aware of the actual ingredients in whatever seasonal drink you decide to put in your body, but possible carcinogens or not, you can’t be bothered. Bring it, Pumpkin Spice.

6. Your bank statement indicates that you’ve contributed to the “Starbucks isn’t poor but keep funding” fund at least every day this week.

7. You’re an intimate action away from actually being in a relationship with your barista. They know your name, they know what you like, they know what ails you on Mondays.. it’s modern love.

8. Your Dunkin friends call you snobby, ignorant, etc. and you’d get offended if you weren’t already aware that they’re just making up for their own shortcomings. You can’t help that you have good taste. Gawd.

9. When a customer ahead of you pronounces one of the sizes wrong, you can’t help but feel a little agitated. “Grahn-day, not Grand, idiot.”

10. Any and all CDs you’ve purchased since 2009 have been the ones you’ve graced upon entering the front of the line at Starbucks. It’s always the bands “good enough to actually purchase their album”, in your humble opinion.


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