He’s Not Into You If:


I just… I have to. And for the love of god, please pay attention:

1. The sun is not out when you receive the “want to watch a movie” text.

2. You’re never included in future plans.

“I’m planning a road trip. Going to see that place you’ve always wanted to see. I’ll text you pictures when I get there! Oh, and about that thing I said when I was drunk, I forgot I promised my best friend I’d take her to formal, since she’s never been to one. Sorry about that, haha.”

“Oh that’s okay!”

*LOL, FML though.*

3. The only times you talk are on his terms. When you’re the “waiter,” you’re the one most excited to hear from the other person. And when you try initiating the lines of communication, it ends quicker than it took to send that text in the first place. (Or you don’t hear back at all, because it just wasn’t as convenient a time as 1 am.)

4. He continues saying things around you that he knows bothers you. Whether or not you’re being too sensitive (you might be), if this guy wanted to eventually introduce you to mom, he wouldn’t purposely piss you off. Common sense: 1, You: 0.

5. With that said, if you find yourself complaining about him more than you praise him… take a hint.

6. You haven’t gone out on a real date. Instead, he makes empty plans like, “I’m going to take you to dinner at this place I really like.” Four months later, do you even know the name of the restaurant in question? On that note, group dates do not count as real dates. End of story. If a guy wants to get to know YOU better, he’ll take you out one on one.

7. You find that you’ve done more “It’s okay” than “I’m sorry.”

8. You’re exhausted of a relationship that doesn’t actually exist.

9. You know more about him than he does about you. Whether this is because you are too caught up in him and carried out an extensive background check, or because you just can’t seem to get a word in edge wise — you’re more into it than he is. Face it. Be done with it. Let your freak flag fly with someone else deserving of your top notch bedroom skill and stellar personality.

10. You haven’t been formally introduced to his friends, family, dog, nice shirt and tie.

11. Is his phone turned over when you’re together? No, no. You’re right. It’s because the bright light of his phone gives him migraines.

12. You are one of… a lot more.


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