Relationships

5 Things You Just Don’t Need To Know About Your Partner

#1: What they’re doing on social media. From a social media standpoint (seriously, I’ve made it my career), whether you’re a company or a regular ole joe, befriending more than three people per day is a red flag, too eager, and strange. So unless it’s OBVIOUS that your person is aggressively befriending and liking a bunch of randos you’re sure they’re still shadily meeting on Tinder, you probably don’t have anything to worry about.

#2: A minute-by-minute play by play of a night out with their friends. Trust me. If you give room to breathe, you receive room to trust and isn’t trust the primary foundation of a solid relationship? If you don’t have it, take off your heels and run.

#3: Stories, whether short or detailed, about past relationships. I don’t care about Jenny. I don’t care how much you loved her or the way she broke your heart at prom. Okay, maybe I do because I love you and the thought of anyone hurting you makes me want to binge eat my feelings, but don’t make me get to that point. It’s just 30 minutes of Facebook stalking a girl who at this point probably works at Hair Zoo and has like, two kids, that I can’t get back.

#4: What’s really taking them so long in your bathroom. Again, this is for obvious reasons. “Are you okay in there?” Don’t ask questions. You won’t like the answers. Side note for men: This isn’t anything you announce, either. If you want to keep a girl around, don’t be “one of the guys” unless you’re exclusively around “the guys.” God, why did I leave the South? #gentsfordayz. I kid, I kid. But really: find yourself a gentleman.

#5: The number of people they’ve boned. For obvious reasons. 

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Relationships

The Real Friends with Benefits Relationship

sweet-old-coupleI’ve never been a fan of the “friends with benefits label” to describe two friends just casually having sex without commitment, and it’s because I don’t think such a relationship can successfully exist. You know how the story goes: boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they don’t get dinner together *~mmm, sexual euphemism~*, one or the other walks away with a broken heart, and it’s all because sex is personal and we weren’t made to just do it repetitively with the same person over and over without developing anything more than a hard-on or ever so polite lady-boner. Feelings, man, they’ll get you.

Personally, I think “friends with benefits” is a label much more suited for two people in an actual relationship, you know, the kind where boy or girl doesn’t leave the next morning and is instead asking you what you want for breakfast before heading to your parents house, or something like that. You’re lustful at the right times, loving during the others, and when it all comes down to it, you really are the best of friends. In other words, when you get to be friends with benefits, I think that’s when the real fun begins. But how do you know if you’ve gotten to that point yet? Behold:

When after sex, you not only get your snuggle on, but you high five. *That was awesome, that thing you did.* And you aren’t afraid to tell them how you like it.

You have each other’s wardrobe memorized. “Yeah, I’m wearing that one t-shirt from my third drawer. Not the first, since you said it looked tacky.” “Oh, the blue one with the weird pocket?”

You have your go-to restaurants, temporary food obsessions, and lists of the best places to order Chinese take-out.

Weird/gross habits become strangely endearing. “Can you pop this?” “You’re sick, but okay.”

You don’t have to be talking 24/7 to know you’ve got a solid foundation. In fact, you’ve at one point or another made fun of overly dependent relationships. “She called him four times between dinner and the bar asking what he was doing.” “She’s like a baby koala with attachment issues.”

Your combined dance moves are impeccable/on fleek. Okay, I just wanted to use the phrase “on fleek.” You caught me.

You geek out together, and typically with a Netflix binge of anything ranging from Game of Thrones to that weird documentary you’d be embarrassed to tell anyone else about.

You legitimately want the best for them, regardless of what that means for you.

You make lists, lots of lists, of things you want to do together. All things of course range from totally serious to utterly ridiculous. “Want to go to Boston next weekend?” “Yeah, sure. Remember how I told you that you get free Chik-fil-A if you dress up like a cow? Because, let’s do it.”

You aren’t afraid to tell them like it is. “You’re complaining about something for the sake of complaining. You’re bigger than that. Put on your big boy/girl pants and relax.”

You go to them for advice. They get you.

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Rant

14 Things Keeping You Up at Night

  1. Netflix giving you less than fifteen seconds to decide whether or not the next episode is worth another lost hour of sleep.
  2. Thoughts about what it’d be like to hang out with the guy with the hair from the bar earlier. Next mental step: what is most recent ex up to?
  3. Ideas on quick ways to lose three pounds.
  4. Remembering that you forgot to walk the dog.
  5. Worrying about whether or not you’ll hear your alarm go off in eight hours.
  6. Quick freak out regarding student loans and next month’s rent.
  7. Not being able to find that “comfy spot” yet.
  8. Drunk dials from friends that managed to make it out tonight, despite the low temperates and very fact that House of Cards season 3 is now available online.
  9. The Starbucks you shouldn’t have stopped for three hours ago.
  10. Deciding that now is the perfect time to swipe left or right, given that no one’s around.
  11. Thinking about everything you have to do tomorrow. *Le Sigh*
  12. The Internet. Just, as a whole.
  13. “Am I hungry? Am I bored? Is that Fourth Meal I smell downstairs?”
  14. Overthinking essentially everything and creating problems in your head that don’t actually exist in real life.
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Food

Natural Sugar Recipe: Banana and Avocado Smoothie

photo 4It’s no secret that food is much more appealing when it’s vibrant and colorful, and the foods that know this better than the rest are fruits and veggies. Unfortunately, I’ve never been that into either of those things. In fact if it came down to either reaching for the apple or bag of chips in the room, I’d have my hands coated in Cheetos dust within ten minutes. But obviously that’s a habit that needed to change, and since giving up refined sugars, I needed to find a way to spruce up natural sugars to incorporate into my diet.

How did I do it? I went to social media. (Raise your hand if you’re surprised.) I stalked Pinterest, I stalked bloglovin, and it turns out there are LOTS of people out there taking on the same challenge. And after coming across Fresh, Fit and Fearless, I read a little, shut my laptop and headed straight to the kitchen. Lila’s Banana Avocado smoothie recipe served as the healthy inspiration I needed to actually enjoy breakfast with all the right ingredients. The only modification I made to the actual smoothie was adding Kale, as well as my toppings.

While banana and avocado might seem like an odd combination, trust me when I say that it’s delicious, and also genuinely good for you.

To start, both bananas and avocados are loaded with Potassium, a natural migraine-fighting powerhouse, and if you know me, you know my migraine headaches will set me straight to a dark room. So it’s no surprise that I was into this  recipe for that reason. More generally though, avocados  are low in sugar, high in fiber, and are packed with monounsaturated fats  that help reduce levels of bad cholesterol in your blood. Bananas on the other hand are loaded with fiber to help to control your heart rate, blood pressure, and digestive system. The list could go on and on.

So for now, try out Lila’s Smoothie bowl and tell me what you think! You can leave a comment, or give me something good on the Tweeter @julesandjava. Happy eating!

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Coffee

My Secret to Starbucks

Screen Shot 2015-02-26 at 9.20.35 PM

These two drinks hold exactly the same contents, but as you can see, one is $1.08 less than the other, and because I just LOVE sharing my undeniable wisdom with the masses, I’m going to tell you why.

To start, Starbucks isn’t that smart. Okay, maybe they are seeing as how successful they are. But when it comes to their ordering style, aside from it being borderline impossible for the average joe to just walk up and order a small black coffee, there are a few loop holes in the system.

Both drinks pictured above are iced lattes, and a plain one from Starbucks consists of nothing more than shots of espresso, ice and milk. So you can say you want a latte, which comes to about $4, or you can pay a dollar less by asking for a shot or two of espresso, and asking the barista to add your choice in milk. They can’t say no, otherwise the ice will melt. But, if they don’t fill it to the top, do it yourself at the condiment bar. It’s that simple.

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Pop Culture

Next on Netflix

I’m a pretty big fan of the documentary section of Netflix, and it’s simply because I like learning new things. Call me crazy. It’s not that I haven’t tried before to get myself into a shameless TV series binge on sick days or long weekends, but when I finish a series, I just don’t get that same feeling of accomplishment.

So here’s what’s next on my list of docs to watch. Feel free to comment if you’ve seen any, or if you simply want to bond over mutual geekery.

SOMM

To be fair, I’ve seen this one, but it’s one I could watch over and over again, and if you’re a wine-o like me, you’re going to love it. Somm is a documentary follows four men looking to pass one of the most impossible exams in the world: The Master Sommelier exam. Only 220 people in the entire world possess the title that makes them masters of wine, able to sip just a bit of the stuff and tell you exactly where in the world it’s from, amongst other really impressive facts. Be prepared to unintentionally burst out cheering for your favorite candidate. I might’ve.

519Q9TknGNL._SX940_Since giving up added sugars, I’ve noticed a few positive changes happening in my body, and it’s something I want to see continue. While I don’t think I could ever go completely vegan, I’m definitely inspired to incorporate more plants into my diet. Nothing wrong with a little healthy inspiration, amiright?

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It’s no surprise that print media has gone through serious some changes since the internet’s become a thing, and this documentary highlights how a publication like the New York Times manages to maintain the ways of traditional journalism despite that. One of the journalists in the film is David Carr, who’s recently passed away. I remember catching clips of this documentary in a class lecture in college, and actually ended up buying Carr’s book The Night of the Gun after hearing him speak for maybe 20 seconds. Great and immensely powerful read if you’re looking for a reason to go to the bookstore.

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Health and Wellness

Sugar You’re Goin Down Swingin’

Depending on who you ask, I’m a pretty alright Catholic. In fact, a nun in elementary school once told me that, regardless of what anyone tells me, I’m a “shoe-in” to heaven. While I’m sure she only said that because she had to, and because I volunteered to altar serve per my own mother’s request, I still hold that woman to her word.

And so like any good Catholic on her merry way to heaven, I’ve decided to partake in Lent. Decided… because really it’s my own choice whether or not I want to get right with the Lord. But I did decide to do it, and what I’m giving up might surprise a lot of people.

Chipotle, added sugar, and swearing. That’s right, I’m using religion to lose weight, challenge myself, and sound a little more like I graduated from a legitimate University.

So far, I’m three days in and want nothing more than a Hershey bar in and around my mouth. But I have altered my diet significantly. From time to time, I’ll post recipes and blurbs about how it’s going, and we’ll both decide whether or not the ideas were worth it. Yep, that means pictures to come!

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